The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
