I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
