i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
