Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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