help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
