After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
