My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh god it's open bar.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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