he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
