you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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