well I can't set my house on fire every night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
