Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
