I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
not ubering you a puppy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
