first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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