seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
pray to the hookup gods
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
