Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
