I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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