I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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