I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
