finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
