We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
