I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
