my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
