god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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