Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
