am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
