just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
