I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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