Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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