That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
