The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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