Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
