I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
