guys are not supposed to queef...right?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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