Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We need to rekindle our bromance
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
