Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
