Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
