there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
