Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
