lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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