ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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