And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's get the cat blown out
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
