so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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