Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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