Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
