apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
