Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
