the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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