so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
