I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
