I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
