i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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