You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
